Musings of a Girl
by Magical Mongoose
Summary: A story, looking into the heads of Cady Heron and Janis Ian. Warning: Femslash ahead in future chapters. I might write more, if you're nice... Read & Review!
1. Cady

Disclaimer: I don't own these characters, I'm just playing with them… I'll return them to the box when I'm finished! Also, I'm a poor student and sadly not making money off of this.

Musings of a Girl

She was scared. Scared to tell Janis what was in the Burn Book, scared that Janis would vehemently deny the accusation, or even worse: shrug and say: "Yeah? So what?", thereby implying she didn't think it was an big deal, that she wasn't interested, that she didn't really give a damn…

Effectively dashing her hopes.

So she didn't. She avoided her eyes and said: "Nothing."

The response was not what she'd expected: "That bitch!"

Almost as if she was daring them to say…

No. Not. A. Chance, girl, so get your mind off her!

And besides. If she wanted to come out, she would be old news by now, and not just the topic of many a rumour in the cafeteria.

She probably wasn't ready. Hell, she probably wasn't at all!

God knows _you're _certainly not ready…

Hell no! Not only would the plastics kill her, she would be ostracised! Probably the only ones who would still accept her, would be Janis and Damian… and she didn't think she could deal with that.

The Plastics, she didn't care about. They just wanted to assimilate her, make her some sort of brainless fashion robot. They could drop dead, or at the very least get hit by a bus, for all she cared!

Damian wouldn't care either way, he'd be just as nice as he was the first day, when she was trying to find a socially acceptable seat in the classroom.

Janis… Janis was another story. She was really the source of her troubles! Ok, not entirely, but still… if Janis hadn't been there, she never would've fallen in love with her… a girl for God's sake! Who would've expected that! She never had a clou before, that she really liked girls…

Or maybe she just liked both. That could happen, couldn't it? Janis would probably be fine with it. I mean, she was fine with Damian, wasn't she?

But what if she _were_… and just wasn't interested beyond friendship?

Or what if she _were_… and she _was _interested?

That was probably the best thing that could happen… in theory…


	2. Janis

**Chapter 2: Janis**

_Still not mine, still not making anything but stories._

* * *

"Damian… Let's not!"

He's a sweet guy, but AGAIN he comes within an inch of potentially outing me. You see, with others I can deny it in an instant. Quick as a flash. But with Cady, I can't I actually _feel_ for this girl. Sure, I've had crushes before, but nothing really serious, you know?

And if I knew she was… you-know-what… I think I wouldn't be as freaking terrified to be outed, or maybe, if I screwed up all of my courage, showing her how I feel and thus outing myself.

But now: No thank you. I shudder at the thought. All that scary stuff can be done when I go to art school. New beginnings, kindred spirits and stuff. Right. Anyway. Not now.

"But," a small voice trapped in an even smaller, hopeful corner of my mind says, "If you don't tell her how you feel, how will you ever know if she feels the same way?"

"Yeah. But what if I tell her and she doesn't feel the same way and she won't be friends with me any more and…" the much bigger voice in the rest of my mind says.

"Shut up. You're getting panicked. Big girls don't _do_ panicked. Go. Paint. You can't think like this and you know it. Just… paint it all," the voice of reason, in a completely different part of my mind says.

So I sketch, and I paint. Just the first thing that comes to mind. It happens to be Cady.

So I paint her, and me, and Damian, with a green background. It turns out quite all right, I think. I might even enter it into the festival…

And I can think clearly again. Added bonus. I resolve I'll tell her how I feel at the festival. Got to remember to invite her, though…

* * *

A/N: I know I promised to upload it monday, but RL's a b you know! Exam on friday, got to learn about every friggin' respiratory disease on the planet! (ok that's a bit much, but gotta learn a fair few anyways...) 


	3. Janis: A Big Day

**Musings of a Girl, chapter 3**

Janis stands in front of the mirror, trying to decide what to wear. Nobody knows this (well except perhaps Damian) but Janis actually _does_ pay attention to what she throws on in the mornings. First, she decides on the Black Quotient, that is how much of her clothing will be black, then she determines the Rip Factor, and if she goes all out, she adds a Shock Value.

Today, she decides, is a day for a Black Quotient of 7, and a Rip Factor of just three. In other words, she dresses to impress.

_First things first: underwear. Gym class today, so no boxers full of holes. Maybe these,_ she thinks while holding up a matching set of dark blue silk man-boxers and a pretty, lacy bra in the same colour. _Yep, those'll do. Very nicely, in fact._

Next item: shirts. A longsleeve with black and white stripes ends up under a simple tee with sleeves, hem and neck cut off, artfully ripped and repaired with safety pins. _Yup, nice. Next!_

Bottoms were up next, and after some deliberation she decided on a layered black skirt and knee-high black-and-blue striped socks. Make-up ended up as dark blue eye shadow, black eye liner and a nice blood-red shade of lipstick.

After paying extra attention to her hair and settling on her dark blue Doc Marten's to wear (whoever said Janis didn't colour-coordinate was surely colour blind or just plain dumb… Just because she stuck to a rather monochromatic colour scheme, didn't mean she didn't think about what matched what!), she was ready for school.

What was today that made it more special than any other mid-semester Tuesday? Funny you should ask. Today was the day Janis would invite Cady to the art show. It was a good thing Janis was such a good actress, or the nonchalant attitude she'd put on would be entirely see-through. Janis didn't mind see-through, but only if that characteristic applied to clothes and not acts. If she didn't act well enough, the thing that would be visible would not be her stomach, but the butterflies the size of elephants currently doing an elegant series of backflips in there.

To tell the truth, Janis was shit-scared. Not to invite Cady, because she would've done that anyway. It was what she planned to do at the art show that bothered her…

At school that day, Cady behaved normally, blissfully (or so Janis thought) unaware of Janis' big plan for that day. After lunch, when everyone was heading back to class, Janis seized both her chance and her courage, which were threatening to get away from her.

"Cady, wait up!" she said, running to catch up with the other girl.

"Hey Janis, what's up?" Cady asked.

"I… I was just wondering… Do you want to come with me to an art show next weekend? They're showing some of my work," she said before she lost her nerve again, like the last few times she'd tried this.

"Yeah sure, totally! That'd be so cool… let me just check my schedule, ok?"

She checked her little black book while Janis looked on with hands clenched to keep them from shaking. Out of sight of Cady, of course, because she was a good actress.

"I'm supposed to go away that weekend with my parents, but I can totally get out of that."

"Cool," Janis replied. "Uh, I've gotta go to class. Teacher'll kill me if I'm late again…" she added, at a loss for anything else to say.

_Gods… even that insanely annoying language she's picked up is cute coming from her! I _must_ be going mad._


End file.
